The holidays bring up all sorts of different feelings for singles, which explains why some engage in cuffing season (aka when you “cuff” yourself to someone—metaphorically of course—to get through the winter months together). But now, according to Cosmo, there’s a different dating trend that couples need to look out for once it comes time to start decking the halls: snow globing.
According to Minaa B., an eharmony relationship expert, it’s not as cute as it sounds.
“Snow globing is a dating trend during the holiday season when a person engages in loving acts and appears to want to become more serious with their partner,” she explains. “Then they disengage, retreat or change their behavior after the holidays end.”
You might be thinking, why on earth do people do this? Well, to be fair, most people aren’t doing it on purpose. They’re just getting swept up in the warm and fuzzy feelings the holidays bestow upon us.
“Humans are wired for connection and holidays are historically known for moments of love, connection, and celebration, which induces this ‘high’ feeling,” B. says. “We also see an increase in romantic holiday movies and entertainment, which reinforces the message that the holidays are rooted in love.”
While this doesn’t have to be a negative thing—wanting to connect with another person is amazing—it’s important to take inventory of how this “high” impacts us, and influences the way we seek love. “[We want] to ensure that the connections we foster have meaning and aren’t a way to cope with our discomfort,” B. says.
That being said, if you want to know whether someone’s snow globing you this holiday season, read on to learn more about the questionable yuletide trend.
What are the signs someone might be snow globing you?
According to B. some signs that someone might be snow globing you include:
- An increase in desire for connection specifically during the holiday.
- Being pushy about meeting someone’s family during the holiday season (especially if the person mentioned in the past that they were not ready to meet each other’s families).
- Pushiness to attend events like Christmas parties but not inviting you to more intimate gatherings like hanging with friends.
- A decrease in attention after the holidays are over (ghosting, slow response time, not initiating dates).
Additionally, relationship expert Audrey Hope says it’s key to listen to yourself and pay attention to and acknowledge the signs of what is happening in your relationship.
“Did they tell their family about you before you went to meet them? Does their inner circle of friends know about you?” she says. “Will you be exchanging gifts? Will you be traveling together? Is there a change in your partner’s behavior? Is it getting serious? Will you be dating after the holidays?”
Track your partner’s actions and check in with yourself if they makes sense considering where you are in your relationship. Exchanging gifts and seeing each other’s parents make sense if you’ve been dating for six months or longer, but maybe not so much if you’ve only recently started seeing each other.
What to do if you think someone’s snow globing you
If you’re suspicious of someone snow globing you, Hope notes the secret to a great relationship in any form is, “to never be afraid to speak and say what is on your mind for fear of losing that person. In dating, it is important to never assume and to know where you stand. There has to be ground rules and honest communication. You have to speak these words out loud, words that are often so hard for people dating, and ask, ‘What is going on with us? Let’s talk about it.’”
Some helpful scripts, according to B., include:
- “I’m feeling a shift within the relationship and I want to do a check-in to see what’s happening for you and if you feel the same way.”
- “I noticed a difference in your behavior after the holidays, it feels like you’re pulling back, am I misinterpreting this?”
- “We’re not going on as many dates or communicating as much as we used to, this change happened recently after the holidays and I’m struggling to manage it. What caused this change?”
On the flip side, what to do if you’re the snow glober?
No one is perfect, and sometimes we do things with the best of intentions, only to realize we’ve made a mistake. A great way to realize if you’re the snow glober, says B., is to pay attention to how your affection and desire may increase or decrease for the person you’re dating throughout and after the season. “Once that holiday wears off, it might be hard to sustain something that’s not real, so if the relational dynamic starts to feel forceful, and you’re becoming more and more disinterested over time, it might be a sign that you’re either on the verge or already snow globing,” she says.
Can snow globing turn into a legit connection?
We’re all suckers for a happy ending. So can a snow globing connection go the distance? B. says it’s not impossible. “After the holiday high, even though a person’s feelings may not be as strong as they were, it doesn’t mean their feelings [have] completely faded away,” she explains. “There still may be interest in exploring the connection and seeing where it goes.”
Perhaps what’s most important, whether you’re the snow glober or the snow globee, is to reframe your feelings about your relationship status, especially in regard to the holiday season.
“Although there are different kinds of companionship, it’s important to remember that dwelling on the negative will not increase happiness, it will only decrease it,” B. says. “Reframe your thoughts by focusing on what you do have and maintaining a sense of gratitude for the connections in your life.”