- “Everybody wants more aliveness.”
- We’d all like to live the most joyous lives possible, but when it comes down to it, what are the underlying elements that create that high level of fulfillment? In this episode, discover the four parts you’ll need in order to experience a truly meaningful life.
- “Aliveness is our imperative not just to survive, but to feel life again.”
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Brendon Show. Please note that this episode, like all TBS episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Brendon Show has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in the Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
How do we help people achieve their goals? How do we get people healthier? For those who don’t know me, I’m a super dork about this topic. I spent 20 years in personal development, asking some very simple and basic questions, doing pioneering research, traveling the globe. Six bestselling books. I’ve worked with Oprah and Usher, two U.S. presidents. Sorry! I’ve worked with sports teams, Olympians. I’ve had the blessing of doing nothing but this for 15 years, full time. You know, you think I’d be better? I know. That’s okay. But you g do. But I’ve been obsessed about, like, why is it that some people achieve long term success and enjoy it? There’s a genuine joy. There’s well-being. There’s that magic of flow and confidence in what they’re doing. And then other people, they also achieve some long term success. They burn out. They wreck their relationships, and they’re miserable to work with. I believe for you know. But do you ever notice that? Why are some successful people jerks and miserable and other people have a joy, a confidence, an authenticity? Well, you and I both know it’s an intention. It’s a choice. It’s how they decide to show up for other people and who feels like this is about damn time we all learn how to show up for each other better. Can I get a yes? It’s like if that’s you and that’s why you’re here, say “I’m here”. We ought to show up better. Not as many excuses, not as many pause days, hoping things change. Not as many waiting on things to be better, but leaning back into forward confidence that you deserve to have.
But sometimes you don’t. For the reasons we’re going to talk about today. I’m going to teach a brand-new framework for you here. I’ve never actually taught it to an audience ever before, live. And we’re going to work through what is it that will make the difference, because I believe you can’t go to the next level until you get really clear on what will make you joyful and what will make you successful. Here. Now at this stage of your life, not three years ago. That’s what this conversation is going to be about. You’ve got to push yourself now. You want to build this business, you want to earn more, you wanna help more people? Push. The challenge and what we call in my work, the performance edge it’s got to come back. The rest and the reset happened, but most of the high performers in the world are moving. That’s where we need you. Back in motion, back in commitment, back in readiness, back in your confidence. And you’re going have to summon that every single day. I know you can’t say I’m here. You got to wake up every day and go, I’m here. Say it with me “I’m here!” It’s just a choice. You go “I’m going to be here today. I’m going to clock back in and connect again. I’m going to present again.” You have to do that.
I think you can listen to a lot of super trainers without even looking at the screen and just listening to what they’re saying and the motivation, the empowerment and the personal development is there. And that’s why I love this stuff. I love it. You know, even if you’re pushing hard, I know you get that. And I’m going to ask the hardest thing— to raise your ambitions and to do it with greater joy. We got to do that. Your ambitions got flattened in the last two years, and that’s not going to help you and your family in the next two. Can I get an amen on a weekend? We got to get you back into joy, back in your confidence, back into a successful attitude. And I know some of you already have that. I’m preaching to the choir, but we definitely need you to show up as the leaders to demonstrate that. So I’m going to teach you a little framework today. Might help, might serve you, might put a little bit of edge back in because you can’t go to the next level of joy in your life unless you know what is going to bring you joy, what will bring you success, and most importantly, what do you want? Who got a little confused about what you wantedt he last couple of years? Be honest. Oh, God. A whole stadium of liars? Who got a little confused about what you wanted the last two years. Be honest. All right. Tell the person, left or right, and we can say, “I love it that you’re here, but be honest.” Sometimes we don’t know what we want. And so what do we do? Get distracted. We don’t know what we want. So what do we do? We’re not as good parents as we know we could be. We don’t know what we want. So we make more excuses, we get stuck. And I’m not the person who’s going to throw away all the difficulties of the prior years, but the last two years isn’t the first time you’ve gone through difficulties. All the last two years did is reveal how we learned previously to go through difficulties. It revealed our conditioning, it revealed our intention, it revealed our discipline. And I don’t mean that in any disparaging or discouraging way. I mean that in an empowering way, because it means we can get better, too. Because what we learned before, we weren’t always intentional. We didn’t know what we always wanted. But what I’ve learned in 20 years and 15 years, full time working with people across 90 plus countries every single day, not sometimes every single day for 15 years, is that we all want the same four things.
Soon as you know you want these four things you can put them on your vision board. As soon as you know you want these four things, you can lead better. Soon as you know other people want these four things you can sell better. If you don’t know that everybody wants these four things what are you selling? If you don’t know the four things everybody wants, how do you raise a family? How do you work with other people? How do you actually coach people if you don’t know what everybody’s after? That’s how important this is. So we’re going to walk through the four things that we all want. I’ll throw it up on some slides here for you and we’ll just work through. It might be boring, it might be fun. I don’t know. I feel great right now because I had Energizer. You might have to give me some feedback. If you’re pumped to be here, say “I’m here.” I might need your help along the way.
The first thing that every single person wants and you want to draw this triangle out on your notes, I want to see you taking notes. If you don’t know these things you can’t sell and can’t build, and you can’t be happy. You can’t find joy. The first thing that we all want is called aliveness. Aliveness. Think about why relationships die. No aliveness there. Think about why you went and worked out this morning; a greater sense of vibrancy and energy. Think about what they teach you when you’re unhappy to become more present, aware, flow. In my work, we just call it full engagement, to be fully engaged in the moment again, to get back into our body, into this moment, into the second that’s aliveness. Everybody wants it. And the craziest thing is how easy it is. This is what you sell. Does everybody understand that? Raise your hand. If you haven’t understood that people are buying energy because they’re burned out and they’re exhausted you haven’t got quite in the flow yet. Everybody wants more aliveness. You can call whatever you want vibrancy, presence, flow, even joy. You’ve heard the word passion. All of those positive emotional things are about being engaged in the moment, in a positive emotion, to feel more fully alive. And I know this ,not just that as an academic or as a coach, twice in my life, I’ve lost that sense of aliveness because of accidents. Somebody heard my story five years ago. I won’t belabor it, but I’ve been through a lot of injury, physical injury in my life and I’ve lost that aliveness.
Even most recently, in 2012 I was on a trip with some friends and we were ATV’ing in the desert in New Mexico. And I grew up on ATV’s. I’m from Montana, like a small mining town. Any Montanans in the house? I love you. So we’re cruisin around. I’m on fourth gear driving this ATV down this last stretch of beach about two miles from where we checked out the ATVs. We’re cruising.We’d ridden technically all day long. I was good, right? We’re cruising by. And I just I remember I was along the ocean, flat stretch of beach, and I just lost a moment of presence. I’d kind of been looking out the water. I’ve been thinking about my dad. I just lost him the year or so prior, and I just kind of took my eyes off. It was a long, flat stretch. But if you’ve ever been on a beach and you’ve been on an ATV especially, there’s that thing called flat sand. You can’t quite sometimes see the surface and like the ridges or the little pillows of sand, and I didn’t see it. So I’m cruising along and it hit this little pill of sand. The bike immediately leaps up, lands on the front left tire, and I go over. I hit the ground, I start rolling. Thank God I had a helmet because I remember as I’m rolling, I hear the ATV next to me. And all I thought in my head is, Please God, don’t let that land on me. You know, ATVs are like 600, 800 lbs if that lands on you I knew I could be paralyzed. I get knocked out. When I wake up my friends are all gathered around and they’re like:
“Hey, you’re alright, you alright.” And I look up, I’m like, “Yeah, man, I’m all right. Okay, yeah.” And they kind of sit me up and I pass out. Wake up again. “You all right?” “Oh, yeah, man. I’m all right. Yeah. What’s happening, guys?” Sit me up. I pass out again. Wake up, they go. You’re not okay. Oh, what’s happening? Hey, you got in an accident? Are you all right? And by this time, our guide was with us, and he’s feeling every part of my body, trying to find broken bones, dislocations, feel my stomach to see if there’s any blood in there. And I can tell it’s serious because how concerned he looks and he says,“Listen, we’re just about two miles from where we need to get. we’ll get you on this bike and we need to get back.” I think I’m fine. I’m like, okay, so we kind of set up a set up. I feel a little queasy. We get me over to the ATV and I go, I think I’m going to ride the thing. They walk me over there. So I just hop on there. “Let’s go, guys!” And I go to reach up to grab where you control the bike and my hand is completely up. I’ve snapped my wrist clean off. It’s like a big thing of goo. I’m like, “Oh, God, that’s not… guys, I don’t think I’m okay!”
They get me back to the thing. I almost pass out twice on the way back. They put me in the back of this van, but it’s like an Econoline, F-1 fifty van like that. Just a back cargo van. Lay me down on this thing and take me off to this hospital. It’s like 35 minutes away. And bumpy Mexican roads out where we were at. I’m just bouncing back there like a dead fish. Basically, dead fish just don’t bounce, nearly dead fish, I guess. So I’m just bouncing back there and I’m going out. I’m in so much pain, I can’t even and I’m crying. I just can’t stop crying because I feel like I’m going to die and I’m like, I’m not…I don’t want to die in the back of a cargo van somewhere in Mexico. Sounds like a movie. I’m not. I’m the secret agent or something. I’m just like, like this is not the way I’m supposed to go out. But I was really scared. We get to the hospital, and where we’d pulled up was, like, kind of local little infirmary, and no one spoke in English there. And then my friend spoke Spanish just at the wrong place, wrong time. And so they lay me on this gurney, they take me in and they sat me down. And a woman is trying to come up and communicate something. But I can’t figure it out. My friends are there. They’re trying to figure it out and they’re all got the phones out, trying to translate, no reception. I mean, just like which is a bad situation. Well, I find out later what they’re trying to do is ask me if I’m allergic to any painkillers because they want to help me with the pain. I don’t know. I just lay in there and it takes about 45 minutes for the ortho guy to get there. And he spoke English. So in that 40 minutes, I’m just sitting there deepening and deepening and deepening into the pain and think I’m going to die. I can tell something is really wrong inside. I’m having trouble breathing. My stomach really hurts. My side really hurts. When they put me in the gurney, I almost passed out again. Something was shooting through my hip. It hurt so bad. And I remember laying there just thinking, God, how precious life is. I know some of you have faced that before where you were in the hospital and you didn’t know. You just you didn’t know what was wrong with you. Sometimes that’s the scariest health things, right? Sometimes when the health goes bad and you know what’s going on, it’s it’s one thing. It’s a noble thing. But when you don’t know what’s happening, it’s terrifying.
Doctor came in, check me over. He says, okay, well, your wrist is snapped off. I said, “Yeah, I saw that.” He says, Well, you also threw out your hip, looks like you dislocated your shoulder and broke your ribs. I’m going to have to reset your wrist right away. I said “okay.” I didn’t know what that meant. “Sounds good, Doctor. Do what you got to do”. My friends were all lined up outside this little room here. Just goes, resets the thing, puts it in, turns out later… I’ll tell you that story. But I am screaming before the meds hit a little bit and then now I got to get home. I got to go home. My friends get me over to this this plane. Get me on the plane. Get me back home. My friend literally carries me into my house. Now, Deniece has no idea any of this has happened, so I’m returning from two weeks with the guys. My buddy carries me into the house. She looks at me. I’m covered in the dirt and the filth from the ride, still. I’m disgusting. There’s blood everywhere. She got people because she’s like, Oh, he comes, sets me down on the couch, gets me comfortable, looks at her, and she’s like….He says, “See ya!”. She’s terrified. I’ll call him an ambulance. I know. I’m fine. He reset the thing. It’s just …I’ll be all right. All right. No. We get over to the hospital. They X-ray. He had set my hand off 12 degrees. Yeah. Some of you know how far that is, right? 12 degrees. Doesn’t sound like a lot. He did a real bad job, so they had to go into surgery right away. They had to reset it to help me reset my and fix my shoulder. And I went through probably the hardest six months of rehab I’d had. And then my life really fell apart. At this stage. I’m doing arenas around the country. I’ve got a bestselling book. I’m working with Oprah and her team. I’m like my career is going like this, and all of a sudden I realize one time coming off stage, kind of like this, I go backstage and usually I go back and I’m so happy. I got to do my passion. I got to talk with people, I got to help. I went backstage and I didn’t feel anything. No joy, no sense of celebration. I didn’t feel anything. The aliveness was gone. Who’s ever been there? Where what you’re doing should enliven you and then it’s gone. And you don’t know why. I have all the reasons, right? Sometimes you have all the reasons. You got the car, you got the house. The kids kind of like you. You got an income, you got a great opportunity, and there’s no aliveness to it. What is happening? Well, for me, what had happened was my brain was swelling. I had that accident and they checked every part of my body, but they never checked my brain. So over those six months, my brain was swelling. And one day I’m doing a video and one of my… you ever do a video and you notice something later on, something’s wrong with you? You didn’t know it when you’re doing the video and someone tells you something’s wrong. And what happened was my videographer, I was doing a video and my eye my right eye went. Oh, I’m talking directly to the camera about motivation or something. My eye goes, oh, I mean it was goofy and I was having trouble writing. I was getting really short with my wife. We’re having the first major conflicts of our marriage. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, so I called a friend who had a lot of expertise in psychiatric work, and he told me, I think something’s going on with your brain. Go get scanned. I got it scanned. And sure enough, brain was swelling and I had to go to an immediate treatment. And you know what’s funny, when you hurt your brain, what they often tell you to do is work on your mind and the rest of your body to heal it, right? Because you can’t quite get to the brain, so you have to do everything else to improve it. And I got the healthiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. In the next year, so healthy because they said, listen, you’ve got to optimize your body if you want to optimize your brain. These two work completely well together. If you don’t take care of your body better, your brain will never optimize. And I really finally got it. I finally got that thing that you already teach and you already know here. I know I’m preaching to the choir, but I finally got it. Later in the research, we found out that the top 5% of the wealthiest, most successful and happy people in the world are 40% more likely to work out three times a week than the other 95% of people, quote unquote, below them. Think about that. The top 5% of the most successful people in the world, not in my opinion, but in the largest academic study of high performance has ever been done. The top 5% are 40% more likely to work out three times per week than everybody else. Same truth for those who recover from all sorts of challenges physically and mentally. You already know this. I’m preaching to the choir, but that’s when I got it. Got my workout back in shape, got my mind back in shape by sharing some of the things I’ll share with you today. And all of a sudden the aiveness started coming back. But the most important thing was I didn’t make excuses about how crappy I felt. Who knows what I’m talking about? See what we’re all doing right now is we’re going, you know what? The last two years sucked, okay? You don’t get to use that as an excuse thoug, to get better. It’s not going to serve you to make more or to help your family. Like we have to change the narrative right now. Our narrative worldwide, appropriately, has been focused on the last couple of years, but has to now shift because now we’re facing the repercussions. We’ve got to change and we’ve got to get in the sense of aliveness again, that passion, that joy, that reconnection. And it starts with saying, I will not talk about how crappy I feel as the reason I can’t still show up today, because sometimes you can’t keep up, but you can show up. Can I get an Amen on the weekend? I can’t keep up with most of you. If I was out there on that super workout today, as hard as it was. Oh my God, I couldn’t keep up, but I can show up. You got lots of reasons you’re struggling, still got to show up. I hate that I have to do that. In my work, I’ve worked with parents who lost their kids to cancer. I’ve lost with teams and military who lost people on the battlefield. I’ve been in the locker room three times with the losing Super Bowl team. I shouldn’t really say that in public. I think that might not help me out a little bit. I’ve been on the other side four times. I’m four and three. I mean, hey, that’s all right. I got to deliver the tough news. And you know what the tough news to everybody is always? I know it’s hard, but showing up is still required to change. You’re not the first one to lose a child. You’re not the first one to get sick. You’re not the first one to lose your dad or your mom. You’re not the first one to lose a limb. You’re not the first one to go bankrupt. You’re not the first one to really struggle with this. See, our ego wants us to be the first one and wants to use the division of the separateness that the ego loves to say, I’m so different, I’m so wounded and hurt here. I can’t. But if you study history and you work with people who really change and find that happiness, they decided they want more aliveness and the only way to get it was to show up again despite those things. Who here knows what I’m saying here. Like, everyone repeat a simple line with me: Aliveness is a choice. Aliveness is a choice. I’m suffering with a brain injury, broken ribs, a dislocated hip, a shoulder that is out, a wrist that snapped off, and a brain that will not work. And I still thank God I had the mentorship of other people saying, Brendon, I know you got to go to rehab. I know you don’t feel good. You got to show up. I know you don’t want to work out today. You got to show up. Aliveness is our imperative not just to survive, but to feel life again. Let me tell you one thing. The last couple of years, that one thing that I notice everybody is struggling with is they lost that sense of how to feell the day. You want one takeaway from today, write this down. Feel the day again. You’ve got to feel the day again. You have to use your mind in the morning to feel the day, to feel the blessing, to feel your connection, to feel your purpose, to feel how you want to serve, to decide the positive emotions you want to create with the kids today. You have to feel it again and feeling it is not going to happen because some external things are going to happen. You’re going to say, I want to feel alive again. Everyone should say it with me. “I want to feel alive again!” And sometimes that comes through the service of what you’re doing, because I just asked you to say I want to feel alive again and somewhere were like, I want to feel alive again. But watch what happens when you engage in the service with others. In a moment, I want you to turn to the person to your left and your right. I want you to shake their shoulders. And what I want you to say to them this time is you deserve to feel alive, babe. You deserve to feel alive. Go!
Who thinks that feels different? Say, “that’s me!” That’s why we’re here. You first have to feel the day again. Your people need to see you alive and alert and present and engage and rejoice again. And that is a choice. It’s a what? It’s a what?! If you don’t show up alive I’m not buying from you. You don’t got to show up, skinny. You don’t got to show up with six pack abs. You don’t have to be able to do that Jericho thing. I can’t do that. You might not be able to keep up, but you can: (SHOW UP!) You see what I’m saying? Aliveness. Who feels it in the air and the energy right now? See, I’m here. It’s here. You’re, you’re creating this. I’m not making you alive. You’re making your life. Your brain’s going. Yeah, man, I deserve to feel the day again. It will not be the economy that makes you feel the day. It won’t be your bank account. It won’t be your husband finally gets in. Good Lord, you’ll be waiting. You will choose to feel the day again. Aliveness will be an imperative and it will change your life forever. Can I get an Amen on the weekend? Tell you what. What we all want is aliveness.
Second, what we all want is connection. Throw that slide up fellas. Connection. That’s why we’re here. This gathering, this connection, this belonging. Everybody wants it, and they want it more than you think. Your jerk teenager wants this more than you think. Your jerk spouse wants this more than you think. Your team wants this more than you will ever know. Your family needs it more than you can ever comprehend. Authentic, deep, real connection with other people is what we’re all craving, especially after the difficulties of the prior years. Real friendship, real connection. You’re selling that as much as you’re selling energy, belonging. Who has an awesome team here? Beachbody has an awesome team. When you got an awesome team, it’s a whole different game. You crush it. The wealthiest, most successful people up on this stage, they didn’t master selling. They mastered connection. Lots of people can sell, but they don’t connect, so they don’t build. You gotta understand that powerful need of real connection. Just one voicemail can change somebody’s life. One moment of encouragement, one recognition, one simple gesture of kindness. This is what our world needs to figure out. Connection. We got to remember how important that is for people. You got to remember how important that is for each other. You want greater wealth in your life? The only way is doing better in connection. The only way. You can get smart, you can have autonomy and confidence and influence. You can do all the things, but if you can’t create connection, you will never have wealth. Not the real wealth that matters. You might have money, but you’ll never have wealth. Who knows what I’m talking about? You got to figure this one out. This has to be important for you, because when this is removed from people their, their life, their aliveness, and literally their life is compromised.
Five years ago, I shared on the stage with you all about how I began my journey in personal development because I had a car accident. Apparently, accidents are a thing. I mean, I’m not doing it for the speech. I just got problems. What had happened was, as a 19 year old kid, the worst thing that could happen for someone like me, I fell in love. I didn’t, I didn’t know anything about the world. I was a young and dumb, naive kid. I fell in love. High school sweetheart. We go to college together. That relationship fell apart. And when that relationship fell apart, I fell apart. I didn’t have the emotional tools to deal with the sadness, the anger, the depression that came from the breakup. Anyone ever been through that? Like, you’re stunned. I mean, you’re totally, the breakup totally stuns you that you can’t deal with it. It was me certainly at 19. And the only reason I changed later on was because I realized that what I really had gotten to was a point of almost no return. I call it the caged life. The caged life is when you feel like you’re in a cage and everybody else is separate. I had my heart broken, so I was in the cage now. I stopped connecting with people. They were passers by, but there was these bars of hurt between us that I had to heal. Because what happens when you’re in the cage? Imagine like a wild animal trapped in a cage at a zoo. You’ve seen it or you’ve heard it, or the metaphor might resonate because the first couple of days are there. They’re angry, they’re shaking. They’re like so angry. They’re shaking the water. Like they’re just so angry. They want to be free. They’re upset, they’re hurt. They want to go back to the way it was their cage in the past or cage in the moment. They’re so angry. But you return a week later. Now they’re away from the bars and they’re just watching, indignantly upset. Everything’s unfair. Nothing’s right. I didn’t deserve this. This is the point of no return. If somebody doesn’t connect with them and pull them and help them, what happens is the worst of human mentalities come in. Now. You return two weeks, three weeks, four months, five months later, they’re in the back of the cage. They’re down, they’re looking at everybody else, amd they’re like these people. They don’t understand me. There’s no reason to do this. And then that becomes sadness and real depression. For me it became suicide. I didn’t think anyone understood. Them. And when you’re there, you need to know that you’re there. And when you’re there, the only thing to never go back is the guts to get up or to be pulled up by somebody, to open up and to go back up to the front again. And being able to rattle the cage of your own mindset, to get some help, to get some support, to be vulnerable enough to say, Hey, guys, I’m back here, everyone forgot about me. I feel terrible.
And sometimes someone else rattles the cage. A mentor, a friend, a family member for me, noticed I was in a hard place and asked What’s going on with you? And they meant it. It was real. And it opened me up a little bit. I started to Sharon later on. I was in an accident and I realized I wasn’t suicidal. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t know how to live. That was it. That was it. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t know how to live. I was 19. I didn’t know how to be happy. I didn’t know how to deal with these emotions. I was so upset. That’s why I got into personal development, started reading psychology. It’s why I got in neuroscience, human behavior change. Ultimately became high performance work was because I – well, how do you change when you’re so down on yourself? And I know we can get there, but see, everyone wants connection and sometimes you put that triangle back up here. Sometimes we don’t realize that those things are connected.
So you might be a vibrant, joyous, passionate, amazing, flowing woman. But if your connection at home sucks, does that impact things? Of course it does. Some … some real nods there. Okay. Sometimes those things go together. You can save people’s lives when you help them be connected again, connected to themselves, connected to humanity. Why does everyone feel so down after the last two years? Well, we lost a lot of people. A lot of connection went away. What happened? We got stuck in the social media cycle of hating everybody. Everyone hates everybody. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. And then what happens? Well, all the hate, lack of connection, division between people, all of a sudden steals away aliveness. The most important thing you’re ever going to do with your family is reconnect. Just like I had to say. Listen, you have to feel the day again, right? Now, you have to make moments again. Write it down, make moments again. Connection is about moments with people. It’s about being fully present and intentional with them making a moment of connection on purpose, choosing to do it, seeing the other person.
You all know as parents, sometimes kids be running around you – you’re just, you’re managing and organizing. You’re doing, but you forget like – you might go three or four days and go, Oh, my God, I haven’t even, I haven’t even made a moment. I haven’t even looked this child in the eyes for three days. I’ve just been handing them stuff. Telling ‘em cleanup stuff. You forgot the moments. I wrote a book called The Motivation Manifesto. And in the last chapter of the book, I talked about the importance of learning to hold a second or two, what I call two beats longer with people. When you meet them, look at them for 2 seconds longer, just two beats longer. You put your kid to bed, two beats longer there with real presence. You kiss your babe 2 seconds longer on that kiss. Usually people cheer that part, but I don’t know what’s happening up here. Maybe it’s too early. It’s too early, too early, too early. 2 seconds longer, two beats longer, connection again, authenticity. Like I force myself to it. I don’t shake a hand and leave. I shake the hand one, two. I see you. Write it down: one, two, I see you. We got to get better at that as a culture. Can I get an amen on a Saturday, ladies and gentlemen?
I mean, we got – you want to change the aliveness and energy? You’ve got to reconnect. You’ve got to make moments again. What else? So I said, there’s four things that everybody wants. Number one, aliveness. Number two, connection. Number three, meaningful pursuits. Everybody wants meaning, but it’s not meaning. Lots of people have a meaningful life, but they don’t feel alive or connected. Why? The second word, pursuits. Humans need ambitions and goals. Humans need to engage in a process that they feel like matters. Humans need to help each other in a meaningful way. That’s what you’re all doing here.
Sometimes when you’re starting a new business or your new opportunity, what we all end up doing is we get in our own little brain, a little silo, and we’re looking at the bank account or the product in the closet or the things we’re thinking about. And we forget: serving people. See, every one of you already has a meaningful life. You just haven’t taught yourself to feel it yet. We say it again. Every one of you already has a meaningful life. You just haven’t taught yourself to feel it yet or you don’t feel it consistently enough. So, you’ve told your brain, Oh, well, when I’m diamond or when I’m this wealthy, or when the kids are out of the house, please God, when you say something to yourself that then you’ll feel like things are all right. You know that old saying? It’s not about the journey, it’s about the. No, I got that backwards, right? It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey. Let me ask you a question. What if that’s wrong? It’s not about the journey. It’s – no, no, no. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey. What if that’s wrong? What if the destination is here now and the journey is here now and they’re not separate? What if the meaning is already right here? You have to go through a journey to get to the destination. What if you could give yourself some credit that you already made it, babe, you’re here. Good God, you survived. You’ve been through a lot of stuff and you’re here. Maybe the meaning is in this moment already. Maybe there’s a reason that you’re here in this audience next to the person you’re next to right now, who you met the person next day you worked out today. Maybe there’s meaning in this moment, not the destination. Some day you go through the journey. No, no. Right now, the journey and the destination, they’re the same thing. It’s right now. It’s right now. And you get to choose, just like you get to choose aliveness and you get to make those moments, you get to choose to feel meaning, meaning, but you’ve got to give yourself credit.
Some of you are so hard on yourselves. I can’t do this. I’m like, you had kids. I don’t know if I can do this. I’m like, you birthed the child, what else more.? And there, and there’s – they like you? You did that and you’re worried that your neighbor might think you’re funny because of you’re asking them to do something. No, no, no. You don’t give yourself credit. But see, we’re already living meaningful lives if we’re trying to get better. See? Is this true? Tell me if this is true or false. I would guess that meaning would come from three things. First is, we feel like we’re living a joyous and meaningful life if we’re trying to live an energized and authentic and a fun life. Who’s trying to do that here? Who’s trying to live and energize fun and authentic life? Okay. That’s number one, right? Number one. Great. There’s meaning there. Number two, who’s loves your family and is trying to provide for them even more. Now, think about it. Really feel it. Put your hand on your heart and repeat with me. I love my family. I’d like to provide even more. I love my family. I’d like to provide even more. Now, raise your hand if that is true. Okay. Isn’t that meaningful enough? Doesn’t that count? Does that mean you’re on the right path? Third thing I think is true is that if we try to inspire or help other people, there’s meaning in that, isn’t there? Waking up and thinking about others, people trying to help and inspire them? Isn’t that something? Is that why we’re all here? Isn’t that what we brought together? Isn’t this the reason we’re here to help and inspire people? Yes or no? Of course. Of course. Of course. But we lose the connection with those things. We forget to remind ourselves so we think meaning will exist out there.
So let me do a favor for you. Actually, turn your cameras on. Face them up here. I’ll tell you some. This is for you. Don’t put out social media. This is for you. Watch this later. I’m not asking for social media. I got plenty of those people. This is for you. This is for you. You’re already living a meaningful life. You just have to remind yourself to feel it again. You have to give yourself credit again because you’re somebody who wants to live a fun and authentic and energized life and you’re trying to do that. Good for you. You’re somebody who loves your family and you want provide more. Give yourself credit for that. You’ve come a long way. You’re somebody who wants to help and inspire people and you chose to do that. That’s why you you have this video on your phone you’re watching later because you chose to be somewhere where you could learn how to help and inspire more people. Give yourself credit for that. You’re already living a meaningful life. You already matter. Now please teach yourself to feel it again. You deserve it. Thank you, guys. That’s it. That’s all. That’s it. That’s for you. That’s it. Watch it later. Yeah.
I say that because you’re too hard on yourselves. Can I get an amen on a Saturday? Put the slides back up because you know what happens with these three things: aliveness, connection and meaning? What happens with them? So simple. What happens is we forget that people are experiences. You might have someone who you see her, she’s energized and alive. She’s got a good relationship, but she’s not feeling it because she’s not giving herself credit that she’s already in meaning. She’s already here. Honor her here now. Recognize what she’s doing here now, and you’ll notice a different aliveness in connection with her. Sometimes we hold people to this center idea. This is the fourth desire I’m going to talk about. We hold people to this idea of growth, right? We want them to grow and grow and grow. And that is powerful unless we make it distant. See, some of you, you’re – you want your kids to grow and become more mature, but you’re holding it out too far. Growth is where? It’s here. Growth is how you show up and perform today. Growth is here. What is my intention? How I am going to show up and perform today dictates growth, not where you’ll be after you get something. Let me give examples. Some of you are not growing your business because you think you need to lose five more pounds before you can go talk to your F-ing neighbor. Do you know what that’s going to cause? Non-growth! You’re waiting for when I’m successful, then I will do the thing. No growth happens now. You learn to make money now. You learn to help her now. You want to do the work now. When? Now! To the person left, right shake him say it’s now, baby! It’s now, baby! It’s now. Why haven’t you sold? Because you’re waiting for growth in the future. No, growth happens now. You become wealthy by your choices now.
When you walk out these doors at the end of my presentation or the end of this day, it’s now, it’s this moment. It’s not – you have to stop fooling yourself. Personal development and growth and wealth and success has been cast in the future for so many people. I’m like, how are you today? How are you showing up today? Are you choosing a positive intention today? Do you want to help people today? Are you motivating yourself today even though again, you have all the reasons not to? But if you want to feel the day and you want to connect with other people and help them and you want to live more meaningful, it’s going to happen when? Now. No more waiting. Write it down. It means something different for every single person here. No more waiting. Growth happens now. I tell people all the time, you all know, I run a company called GrowthDay and we tell people all the time in GrowthDay, what you need more of in life is more days of growth and more days of growth doesn’t happen at the end. It happens now. When you get that, everything changes. So if we all want this, why don’t most people have it? Why don’t most people have these things? Well, the good news is there’s only three things in your way. There’s three reasons you don’t have more of all of this. It’s the same for human – it’s a human thing. It’s a human need. It’s human desire. It’s human intention. It’s a human struggle. There’s three reasons we don’t have what we want. It’s this picture. This is the reason you don’t have what you want. That’s it. It’s all right there. Let me label these guys for you. See, I think that’s the funniest picture ever, because you know what? I showed this to my wife last night on FaceTime. I was like that – she – first thing she – at first thing, my wife says when I saw this picture last night, first thing she goes, you look like the one on the right. Give me that confidence, babe. I can do it.
Three reasons you don’t have what you want. Number one, doubt, doubt. You stop believing in yourself and you stop believing you are worth it. That’s that fearful dragon. That is that mean menacing voice in your head. Sometimes it’s even subtle. Most people struggle in their life because when they hear doubt, they stop. Successful people, when they hear doubt, they realize it’s just a signal to learn. Soon as doubt becomes a signal in your head, oh, I’m doubting myself. What do I need to learn right now? Well, I need to get more confidence. No. I need to learn. I’m not being present. I need to learn. I’m not being aware. I need to learn. Doubt is just saying, hey, brain, pay attention. It’s not scary. The second thing that gets in our way, division, division. Look at the eyes of this dragon, looking so judgementally to the person to the right. This kills progress. Why are we in the state of the world we have? It’s because everyone’s so divided, we so judgmental. I notice this happening so much in the pandemic that I started this little hashtag around the internet telling people judge less, feel better. If you feel terrible, you’re probably judging people too much. It’s just real. If you feel terrible, you’re locked in some kind of judgment against other people. You’re dividing. See, humans, we want to be part of something that belonging, that connection. But as soon as we judge, we break the connection. We create a false facade of labels between us and other people. We’re division. What do you think the right one is? Anyone have an idea? What’s the right picture? He goes ‘Brendon’. Yeah, I should label it me. You know what gets in your way? If you know what you want, if you know you want aliveness and connection, you know you want meaning and growth. What gets in the way of most people? It’’s what’s killing everybody right now. Delay, delay. You’re waiting. You’re waiting, you’re waiting. Somebody’s been waiting years. It’s not going to get better till you change.
So, let me give you a simple framework of how to deal with these things. Number one, realize you’ve got to turn doubt into belief. Belief. What does that mean? Doubt into belief? What is belief mean? Here’s what you need to know: belief is two things. Only two things that are going to get you going each day and overcome the doubt. Doubt means number one: worthiness. Worthiness. If belief – I tell people all the time that belief has to start with your sense of worth, your esteem for yourself. I am worthy of this success, just like she is. If you see people up here as different than you, you’ve already failed. You think I’m different than you? Why? Because my outfit. You think I’m different than you? Why? Because my haircut, which I’m still doing since the pandemic by myself. What is it that makes me so different than you? See, soon as we don’t believe we’re worthy of the same amount of success or experience as other people – I didn’t know I’d be on stage one day. The first time I did my own seminar, it was in a room with 15 people, 15 people, half were there free. When I count the 15 people, I call my mom, my sister and the guy who kept coming in to refill the water. He counts. There’s three right there. Three right there. Three right there. The guy who came in to help with the AV, that’s four. I’ve got four people. I had no idea. I was telling Michael this today, this is the last arena in the United States of America and Canada. This was the last one. This is the only one that I had not yet keynoted. Thank you.
Now, I could have never imagined that, but I believed I was worthy. I believe I could try. Because you know the other part about belief is capability. Do you believe you are capable? Not capable now. Capable of figuring it out? Confidence is the belief in your ability to figure things out. Let me say it again. Confidence is your belief – it’s what? Belief in your ability to figure things out. That’s what confidence is academically, belief in our ability to figure things out. You can figure this out. You can sell, you can connect, you can build for your family. If you don’t believe you’re worthy and that you can figure it out, go home and watch more Netflix. Someone else will take your earnings and give it to their family. Someone else has a belief. Someone else has a belief. Again, I told you I won’t be always popular. My job as high performance coach is to push people and I’m like, someone else will give that money to their family. Someone else believes that they are worthy and that they will figure it out. And you should believe it too.
Second big breakthrough here is division becomes unity. Division becomes unity. You have to stop seeing her as different than you. You have to stop seeing her as different than you. Unity. You know what we all want? I know some of you are religious or believe in God. Some of you might not. But in spirituality, the ultimate enlightenment that every spiritual leader in the history of the world figured out. Enlightenment. Ultimately, the base of unity, of all of enlightenment was unity. The concept of oneness. We are the same. We are in the flow of the universe or under God. Similar, however you decide it, unity was always the breakthrough for the highest levels of enlightenment. I’m not separate than you. The separateness is tearing our country apart. The separateness is ripping you from your neighbor. The separateness is why you don’t earn more money. Unity. You got to bring the people together again. This is your job as a leader. Bring them back together. Make that a fierce focus. That desire for connection, tap into that and create something that’s united. Beach Body will not succeed unless everybody gets the idea. We succeed together. This thing builds up together or it don’t build up. Can I get an amen on Saturday? Unity. Unity. You got to unite with each other at home, with your neighbor, here with your teams, with this company. You want growth? It comes from unity, not division. Unity. We’ve got to figure it out.
Last I idea, today is turning delay into action. People always say, yeah, yeah, Brendon, I get it. I’m like, but I can tell you why you’re not acting enough sometimes. Why aren’t you taking more action? Well, just like you’re not feeling the day or you’re not feeling connection or you’re not feeling the meaning or you’re not feeling now to grow, what happens is sometimes all those things are in your feelings, in your life here, and sometimes you’ve got to get outside yourself. I always tell the story when I started my, my job as a speaker and a writer and a coach. I was terrible. I was always delaying. I was the – this one. I was so distracted, I couldn’t get it done. I couldn’t figure out why. Here I was going broke. Moved in with my then girlfriend trying to write a book. Every day, I’d go to the cafes and I get the green teas and the croissants and I’d sit there with my laptop, got all prepared to pretend to do work. I look around other people on their laptops. I’m like, I’m here, I’m doing the work, look at me. And about an hour later, nothing’s happening. I’m sitting around, I’m like, well, maybe I’ll go for a walk, maybe I’ll look at my phone, maybe I’ll do something. I’m not getting it done. Every night, I’m sitting on this little stupid foldout table in this tiny room trying to write this book, struggling to get it done. But I know it’s going to change my future, my family forever. It is my meaning. It is my connections, my aliveness. I love writing. I love teaching. I love – I love it. I have aliveness, but I’m not doing it. I’m totally connected with being a writer and a coach and a speaker. It’s not happening. It’s meaning for me. It’s not happening. I’m growing. I’m learning everyday. It’s not happening. Why? Sitting there frustrated when I’m typing and I’m looking over my vision boards because on the bed next to me is the vision board, all the bills, all my notes, all my research, everything splayed out in the bed because the apartment was so tiny that it’s basically the bed and my little desk. And I’m writing on it and I can’t get it done. I’m just frustrated. My lady comes in, she’s trying not to disturb me as I’m fake writing because I want her to see me working hard. I know that some of you have done this before. Damn it, just me? Okay, some of you. Fake writing. She comes by, tries not to disturb me, supportive of my dream, comes over, goes to crawl under the covers to go to bed, and I’m typing and she’s getting herself settled. And I look over and I notice that my love is sleeping under the weight of my bills. The woman who took me in when I said I want to be a writer and I’d gone broke. The one who’s buying my groceries. The one who believed in me. The one who was paying the rent. Who went to work each day and came back and cheered me on. She’s now sleeping under my bills and I see it and I felt something inside just go because none of us wants to be the cause of the pain of our own families. None of us wants to be because of our inaction, the one that leads to that reality. And I know some of you who’ve been there. We’ve all been there with financial struggles, but that’s where I was. But that day. And I looked over and said, no more, no more faking it, no more delay, no more distraction. She needs me to show up now.
Someone in your life needs you to show up. Someone in your life needs you on your A-game. Someone in your life, maybe they’re here, maybe they’re home, maybe they’re in the future, you don’t even know. All the preparation you’re going through right now is to serve them at the exact moment that saves their life. Someone needs you to learn to show up and perform and have that edge and have that desire and have that drive and have that success so you can serve them later. Sometimes it’s your family, but I know someone needs you on your A-game. I know your teams need you right now. And it is always one thing. It is a decision. It is a choice. It is saying, I’m going to feel alive again. Even if I have to summon that, I’m going to connect with other people, even if I have to remind myself of that, I’m going to feel this meaningful moment today, even I’ve got to watch Brendon’s dang video that’s going to tell me to give myself some credit here. You’re already living a meaningful life. I’m going to show up in this moment and choose to grow and to give because – not just because I want that. And we all want that because somebody needs me to show up. Somebody needs you. Dang right. Sometimes we forget that we’re living a meaningful life and we forget that there’s a historical moment at play always in your life. There was history in your life three years ago, five years ago, ten years ago, and even now. There is history being made right now. There’s more opportunity than there has ever been, especially in what you do, because the whole world wants aliveness and connection again and you have it. This is literally what you offer people. So you have to show up for it.
You have to decide that you were here for it. You have to decide that when you leave these doors and you leave the doors of your homes every single day that you’re going to show up alive, you’re to show up to serve people. You can get that edge because people need you to show up and do the work. And you do deserve it. You do have the capability of doing this. You are not separate than the winners up here. You have it in you. You just have to choose to show up. You have the desire to earn this opportunity. You have to decide today. It’s my time. I’m ready. You have to decide right now. It’s my time. You have decide. I’m ready. Turn to the person left, right, shake them. Say it’s your time. It’s your time. Ladies and gentlemen, it is your time. Leave this place. Leave when you go home with that fire in your belly. Aliveness is yours. Connection is yours. Meaning is here already. You can grow and you will do it together. Thank you, Beach body. I appreciate you having me. I appreciate you guys.